Battle of Give and Take…

21 Apr

We have all heard that to achieve the perfectly balanced life, we must all give and take, right?  But do any of us really know the meaning of this phrase, or what it truly takes to achieve it?  I find myself struggling with this life lesson today, this week, this month…. And I am finding myself in a losing battle.

Only two words can completely sum up my feelings about myself today.  Burnt out.  I don’t know how else to describe it, but I am completely and utterly burnt out in every single aspect of my life.  As I was flipping through Facebook tonight (one of my bad habits to waste time that I can’t afford to waste) I found myself in tears.  I couldn’t figure out why at first – then it dawned on me.  I just don’t have the energy for it – to follow anyone else’s life when I can barely keep mine together now.  Every aspect of my life from personal to professional and back again feels like a sub-par version of how I expect my life to be.  This feeling prompted me to look at my life’s balance – or lack thereof in this case.

I realize that I am over-giving to every person and project in my life.  Or, in some cases, have already over-gave and just cannot give anymore.  I feel so close to the edge of that polarity that I worry about the what-if of not being able to re-balance my life altogether.  Then I realize that I am not in charge of what I get in return, and I am left with a few haunting questions.  Questions that I just cannot find the answers to.  Am I looking to the wrong outlets for the returned favors, attention and help?  Or is it just my turn to GIVE and not to GET in return?  Or do I simply rank things in a far different way than those I love?  That balance, too, shows a major deviance – the gap between priority lists feels far too large to justify today… Along those lines, do expect too much out of people?  Or am I too impatient or high maintenance?  After feeling this way for an entire month, I wonder – is it me?

The best relationship advice I ever received was simple: There will be times where one person gives more than the other, and sometimes will actually be doing all of the giving.  However, always keep in mind that there will be another timeframe where the other is doing all the giving.  It will never be a 50/50 split every single day, but more of a 50/50 split over the span of the successful relationship. 

This is certainly applicable to all aspects of life – not just romantic relationships.  I realized this a long time ago; however, I never realized there would be a time in my life where this “unbalanced relationship” is out of whack in all departments.  This where I find myself now… and I want to know, HOW DO I GET OUT OF THIS?!?  This is NOT what I signed up for!

Will the scale of your life ever be balanced?  Or are some people just unbelievably blessed to be more on the receiving end of life?  OR, is it just fate to be on one side of the scale or the other – and never in the middle?  Is there really such a thing as the “perfect balance” in life after all?….

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